Left of Center: By Yukkione: Dear Red States
Dear Red States
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Time : 9:28 AM

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two -thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States ยท

This was sent to me today from a wonderful freind

posted by Yukkione at 9:28 AM | Permalink |

[ back home ]

Comments for Dear Red States
Love this.

Happy Earth Day.

Peace to you and Yours. Man what a ball busting riot of an article.

Hey things might be taking a turn. I heard only 33% of Fox viewers now approve of Bush.

Anyway this is such a good article I'd like to put you in for "Mike's Blog Roundup" over at Crooks and Liars. If that's alleft with you.

Peace. Your Fellow Human
ps. Another one by the name of Hell Pig has been posting in my name.He's been dogging me since my own article "Remember" was highlighted on C&L. So that's why I asked.

Great post, LOC! Thank whoever sent it to you, I love it.

And screw hellpig. Send him my way, he's an idiot. Idiots are easy. Its the smart trolls that try my patience! Hell pig is just comical. :)

Hi Human. Glad you're back. Thats been happening alot by the way, I saw a rude comment by someone and I KNOW they were being set up and did not write it.

OK not that I am saying impersonation etc. is comical. I meant to say that the silliness of the "arguments".

Just to clarify!

Human I can understand that. I had a dopleganger a couple years ago and it can be quite irritating. I do appreciate the mention. C@L has always been a fav of mine.
Oh and Happy Earth Day everyone.

I've seen that before but I never tire of it. Good choice for Earth Day and a point well made -- often.

Peace to all. Thank you Liz.I knew what you meant, and I've been busy defending myself, so I'll come over to yours and visit.

LOC - Will send e-mail to Mike at C&L.

To all I just got Halo Scan so comments are no longer "mederated" and sent to my e-mail for approval. The Pig has been banned.

Right now I gotta change the wee one for the upteenth time today. Stomach virus. Oh what fun!

Peace. Your fellow Human
(my closer so copy pigs have to type it. It might sink in some day)

"Mederated" hehhhe. Comments done under medication I guess.
Peace. Your Fellow Human

Hell, I'm a Maoist and I think it's funny!

About me
My Photo
Location: Austin, Texas, United States
Blogroll Me!

Powered by :
Powered by Blogger